ooba fangdre

Lamlai monina eingonda toina toina hai
akhoida laak o nangsu,
makhoi ateidi nahaan lak a,
nang nathanta yaorakte, princy ga nangadang.
keidw leirino, lakkedi haidna.

checkon monona eingonda toina toina hai
lamlai monihoida chatluse.
akhoibokhoiga mayum naknei,
tarbuj ki farm yenghange.

thangapat monina eigonda toina toina hai
malem, handakti soidna oonasiko.
mobile phone da toina toina englishta,
i miss you so much, kaina tharak a.
smileygasu yaohallak a.

eina khalli nungtigi,
nungaini tarbuj marakta chatpa,
pareng pareng paanbado yengba,
nungsa maraktuda fi ama kokta kupaga tarbuj thugaira chaba,
haonihe onthokna.

tarbuj manunggi angangba.
keinoma ningsingak a.

kuirabagi wari
kaodi kaonrammoi
nongmatadi thaoina ningsingndraba wari.
asengba wari.

keithelda nupi ama sikhiba,
keinomgi maruna panbdagi.
angang amasu sikhi malle.
maminggadi thondriba,
lumbu lumbu saba mahida taoduna leijba ama.
nupa amasu,
anaaba mapaagira mamaagira ama hidak leiba thorakpa.

tarbuj pareng pareng marakta chatpgi nungaiba.
kaalenda tarbuj chabgi nungaiba.
fangaroi moi, fangaroi.

akhoi swaise mittagi pee ga amta tao yadre.
famjangre loina mitpaanda,
mayek sengna amta uudre.
tarbuj pareng pareng thabadusu uudre.

Happy birthday.

When i was 8, i was very sick once.

I opened my eyes, and

voila! There was the TV right in front of the bed.

Another morning i was very sick.

I opened my eyes, and

all i could see was the back of his head,

all curly and dark.

Another day, during dinner

he lifted the kettle holding

side by side

with my mom.

Both smiled for a some 3, 4 secs and started eating.

I know some day he'll lose his hair, his teeth, his everything!

At a time when his brain becomes ridiculously big.

We planned many things on the eve of 14^th oct. Every year

though we never executed it.

Because of him, i have them, i have her.

I love him.

       It was a warm usual sunny morning on our campus, a few days back rather. The winter is approaching. No sunlight entered the classroom. The yellowish green leaves and the half dried creepers, near the windows, were not allowing it to pass them through. However, the room was filled with tube lights and the sound of the fast whirling fan over the heads of some fifty students including myself. The light reflected from the blackboard was hurting my eyes, or so i thought. I couldn't see anything written on it. It was annoying, not that it mattered but because it was not a very nice experience to not see something clearly. It was one of the monotonous classes of our monotonous life.

    Sir Jibu was taking the class continuing the lecture he had started in the last class on Hamlet, one of the plays of Shakespear. i was sitting at a corner,trying to make my cognitive ability to function to its fullest.It was not going good. The class was running just too fast for my neurons inside the brain. I wondered how the others are managing it.

      Then i saw Neelu wearing a torquoise polo T-shirt in the first bench, sitting next to Anenjana who was wearing a kurti of the same color. Out of the blue, a yellow butterfly flew in, flattering and flapping its tiny wings with brown edges. Sir Jibu threw up his hand in the air and made a bud-like-shape closing his fingers into one point. He was explaining how fragile a girl can get like a bud of a flower according to one of the texts of Shakespeare in Hamlet. That day, there were more girls than the guys i'm sure. I dont know if they were listening to what he was explaining and what were their reactions if they had been listening at all. I, myself was too busy looking at the butterfly, its texture, its softness and its life. It worries me to not know whether they are flying happily or just moving around hysterically. I wish i could see their face. I wish people could see my face. Things could have been much more easier then.

    Yesterday, i saw the same butterfly near the ground when i looked down from the opened window of our classroom during an oral communication class. The bushes down there had grown so much. It looked like an unshavened thick beard.

Confession

Papa, I'm so sorry for doubting you. I'll never ever again doubt you again. You have been always right and will always be. I had been misleaded all this while. But it wont continue now. I know exactly what you were talking about. It was all an illusion. I had been so so stupid. I know what i should do now, which things should i keep in the front and which to dispose. Thank god, in another way this must be the happiest moment of my life. I've been set free from this bondage which i had been kept inside since i came here, i dont have to hunch now, i can walk straight and see the right path so crystal clear through my tears. I dont know why it took so much time to realise this. May be i was too stubborn and silly all the way because of my newly got freedom. Anyway, i can put all my trust again to you like i always used to when i was younger, well so to say much smarter and more intelligent than i had been this one whole year. I'm so relief.

i wake up one morning and see a pile of things:
the xerox copy of my french note, my so-called
diary which i have not touched for one whole year,
a butterfly look-like blue hair clip with white polka dots,
a book called 'great political thinkers:east and west' with a
dark blue cover, electronic wires, a greyish sky through the window
and a chair wooden chair right in front of me.All in one trapezium box.

Memories gushes down,a timeline since
my birth rather. I remember the names
of all the persons i met,all the people
who i have acquinted with in my
life for some or the other
reasons, some i hate,
some i love.
My childhood friends,
high school friends, college
friends, all are in the collage of my 

white life. My blood relations,  who i
haven't even heard of, but related somehow
and often wonder who all are related to me. I
get up and sit looking straight and feel the monotonous
blue breeze rising up from the blanket twisting and wriggling.
i feel nothing. i feel absence of something, absence of everything.
i feel bored, i feel sleepy, i feel like yawning. Apathy, boredom, anxiety, ennui, suicide.

My brother

She was crying alone. I went and gave her a hug. I was crying too leaning on him. His shirt was soaked with tears. Then I realised he was death. To let go of him, he scared me giving me a weird smile and started to enlarge his eyes and teeth. Then I beat him on his chest, gave him a slap and started running though I was not able to move. I was running, it was too tiring. My legs were all stuck on the ground firmly. The ghost started to haunt me and chased behind me with his hands trying to get hold of me!!!

Beyond

Over my father’s shoulder

I could only catch a glimpse

Of the lump of hills,

Irregularly edged glittering glass plates

And lots of small unshaped boxes.

Belong

I see the pillows,

I see the curtains,

And tried to sort out.

But in vain.

Nothing  makes  sense.

I see the change

And feel the pain.

I know I belong here,

Amidst the smoke and the mosquitoes.

But, I know I belong there also,

Standing on the road

Where the  cherry blossoms began to fall

Guided by the buzzing breeze.

                                                                  May 8, 2011.

vendetta?

I’m standing on the balcony,

Listening to my favourite song from

‘The graduate.’

It’s  9 o’clock.

I just had dinner.

Starting to drizzle too.

One, two drops touch my left arm.

My right touches the left arm and

My left touches the right arm.

I hold myself and shrugged a bit.

He swoops down from the mango tree on my left and stands beside me singing me a lullaby.

‘You, soporific bastard.’

Another comes up from down the stairs

 And touches my shoulders from the back

Whispering me words of love.

‘You, worthless. Any other guy out there is better than you.’

Don’t kiss me on the neck.

Don’t kiss me on my lips.

I’m fed up of everything.

I just want to listen to the song.

                        06.07.2011. Wednesday ,9:00 pm.

My Afternoon Dream

 I just had a beautiful dream while I was sleeping this afternoon. It was so awesome. I wish it was not a dream. But, anyway, it will remain just as a dream whatsoever. So, it doesn’t matter much. I only wish it were not. I was talking and enquiring and discussing about everything with this very person as if I had known him for years and years like a good old friend who used to share everything before being separated by some unknown force and who has just been reunited again. He was holding my hands trying to get some comfort among all the strangers staring at us. He hates strangers staring at him for no reason at all. But that’s what people do they just don’t have anything to do these days, they stare at people for no reason.

            The memories come gushing through into my head. It’s starting to come to life like a phoenix which got burnt down to ashes. We were not really that close when we were together I mean when we were in the same school but I kindda liked him. He came to school when the teacher almost started to teach, was often late but not too late just like me. Most of the teacher liked him though he never ever did anything of worthy just because his mother was one of the member of the association which established the school. I would have taken him as a dumb guy if I had not started to talk to him for one simple reason, my mom was also a member of the same association and they both used to work together. So, most of our classmates thought we both were somewhat arrogant. But, he had so many friends when I first moved in as a new comer.

            He never read or study, his mother used to study for him and he had such a bad handwriting that even a chimpanzee can do like that. It was horrible. I still have his handwriting in one of my notebooks. That day he was copying some notes from my book when he had a fight with a friend. Fight in the sense like not a real fight but just for fun. While they were having fun, I lost a slip of my notebook. He told me he was sorry that he’ll copy it for me again. I don’t remember for how long I’ve been standing there when I saw them throwing my books all over the classroom but I clearly remember saying alright to him.

              It was a small school with kids and small children everywhere. It was a torture for me. I felt like catching each and every one of them and get them deported to a place where there is no kids and couples who are dying to have kids. That would have been actually better for those children. They wouldn’t have to wear those dirty smelly clothes everyday which had never been washed properly by those young immature parents who just want to get married as soon as they started talking too much on the phone. It’s all weird. How can they even imagine to get married if they can’t even wash their children’s stuffs properly for even once. One of my friends actually got married when I was 15. I wonder whether she is doing the same thing.                

              I loved watching the fruit laden tree just outside our room with the little red round fleshy fruits on every branch. We would shake it during the break until the fruits fell down so hard that the chowkidar would come there with a stick on his wrinkled hand not to scare us away but to help us get the fruits. It was fun. I often thought about all of us being separated one fine day though m not fond of them much. I have no idea how we become friends. They used to talk to among themselves that he liked me but he dint act like he did. May be he might have but I was not in the mood of attracting guys wasting the precious time so I dint bother to think much about it.

              Why I dreamt about it after almost three years, I don’t have the least idea. I slept too late yesterday that I slept after class for like 2 hours. My body was totally exhausted, as soon as I came back I lay on my bed dead as a log.

she and him

I saw him every day sitting on the high swivel stool inside the café alone. Every day he would drink up the beer very slowly and quietly like a snake drinking water in a sparkling river of a deep silent tropical forest. I could clearly see the movement in his throat as the liquid went down after shimmering for a moment inside the glass. Then he would place the glass on the table without making the least sound.

There was something that made me feel all weird and creepy every time I saw him. There was something in him that was too similar with me. My mom, she told me never ever talk to strangers when I was a kid. I obeyed her all these years but suddenly as soon as I saw him I wanted to talk to him so badly that I went straight towards him and sat on the next stool the first day. Apparently, since that was the first time I saw him I couldn’t approach him but sat silently listening to the sound of the flickering water in the glass. I sat and sat for a couple of hours till he left the place.

My mom used to tell me to neglect those people whom we meet either randomly or purposely until and unless she tells me to talk to. I couldn’t differentiate between one person to another. Whatever my mom said, it was the truth. And that only I trusted, nothing else. She said she didn’t cry at all the day my dad left us. He didn’t tell anything, he just left and never came back. She didn’t cry because she was a very strong woman and that i should be also like her.

I never relied on a guy my whole 19 years of life, like asking for help or any sort of thing. I hardly talked to my friends and my so-called neighbours because I believed in and trusted her only. She was the only one I had. Only she existed in my life and no one else.

But the day I saw this guy I was totally different. I felt as if I had just found something which I had been looking for my whole life. Gradually I started talking to him. That day I asked,'You like hanging out here?’. 'Yes’. And that was the end. But a few days later I made another attempt . He was a nice guy and he loved lemon juice so much. He made it every day and had it for the past 15 years every morning. He was so good to me and even said he saw me stting near the window alone looking outside through the thick glasses every day in the evening. Thus, soon we became close. As each day passed we became closer and closer. Once it rained so hard. Every drop of it hit the roof so hard. As usual I was sitting inside the café when he popped up from nowhere when I lost all the hope that he would come that day there. He said he had a wife and left her some 19 years back and since then been alone regretting his whole life why did he ever leave her. I felt a sudden beating in my body which was so hard I almost showed off the associated expression to him. I thought to myself, that’s something which happened in the past, why can’t I give him a new life instead of just sobbing over the past. He said, if he had a daughter she would have been of my age. Suddenly I got up and went outside. I came back and told him I don’t  wanna continue the conversation anymore. He saw my mom standing on the other side of the road silently through the glass and the clear raindrops holding a blue umbrella staring at him with an indifferent look. His eyes were glistening.

Numb

       They can’t feel anything because it’s just smoke everywhere. It just passes by like those random people we meet on streets and all. They can’t see anything because it’s all hazy and shadowy and confused. Time slows down rather quickly.

       I felt all numb and, to hell, my whole body was aching when I woke up. I tried to grab the parts in my trend of thoughts and pick it out one by one. But, I couldn’t find it at all. It is like a chain where you tie up the trivial little incidents of your life tightly so that you can undo it and see how it was whenever you feel like. Last night I could not probably tie it up tight enough that it got lose. So to say, I could not remember clearly anything that had happened. But, of course, I do remember. The only thing is that I cannot figure out if it was a dream or if that actually happen for real.

                                               _______

I was aching to try it out so much that I tried it last night. It’s totally believable that I tried it out because there is not so much of a deal about it. And, anyway I always loved to experience new things which I wouldn’t get if I were at home. I took a long deep breath, exhale and put my lips on the opening and inhale deeply. It gushed through the tracks and to my lungs rather slowly but steadily. After the second puff, I felt funny. I couldn’t get up. My body started moving down and I was almost lying on the bed flat. But, somehow, I managed to stay put and brought myself together. I didn’t move a muscle. It seemed like it’s gonna creak any moment if I move. So I did not. Then my eyes stated to burn like hell but still I got a pleasure out of it. It started to pull down itself. It was becoming too heavy if I keep my eyes open. So, I closed it. Currently I could hear only the slow beautiful music and nothing else. It was floating in the air for a while and flew off the window. 

       Their voices broke down into pieces. The pieces, the broken syllables, were flying in the air like a puzzle which can’t be fitted together. But I knew what they were saying. So, I joined the conversation and could answered like a perfectly normal person when they asked me questions. Everyone was calm and peaceful. They lay on the bed motionless, like lifeless dead flies on a stale smelly soggy biscuit. Then out of the blue, I suddenly remembered  something which I have trouble recalling now. I had to get out of the place. I just had to. I got up, opened the door and left the place without looking back again.

Rain

One drop fell on my face

And then many of them all over the place.

They fell down like a terracotta army

Approaching their enemy.

When they hit the ground

They flickered for a second

And then gone the next moment.

They jumped from here to there

Everywhere.

As if in a game.

They sneaked inside the crakes

Like in a game of hide and seek

And disappears as the warm shadows started to chase.

My Life

It’s like a

P    H   U   M    D   I

On the Loktak

Swaying from

              North

West        to        east

             South

Side          to         side

Again     and       again

Again       and      again,

So calm and peaceful

Without any tempest.

And so,

Dull

And

Lonesome.

Image

Suffocating glass window-pane..

Steady fan over the head,

Silent music outside,

Stationary buildings,

Slow music inside,

Tilted gift packs,

Hanging cards,

Piled stuffs,

Heaps of emotions,

Mountains of memories,

Faded blue Japanese umbrella,

The sun, trees, clouds and butterflies on the wall.

Half open door and window,

Empty water bottle,

Empty shelves,

Empty room…… 3 months.

                                                                    5^th May 2011.

Idol

Idol

Shining like the stars, she

Yodels upon my heart, and

Lend me a hope which

Vanishes all the scruples

Instantly out of my mind

Adding so much anew.

Pale was I as a withered lily.

Little did I know about her.

Above me, she stood,

To give a ray of light.

Hold me tightly in your arms.

                                              27, October 2010.

Flickering lights

I ran towards the window

To keep the latch

As it should be.

I could feel the chill

And hear the wind

Blowing hard crushing through the trees.

The sound of the creaking branches

Sent a chill down my s

                                      P

                                       I

                                        N

                                         E

I could hear them hitting hard on the roof

Like a fast galloping horse in a race.

As silence descends

I crept through the window

to catch a glimpse of the nights.

My eyes kept flickering

as I saw the flickering lights

in the moonless night.

                                          26,October 2010.

Ember

They think I am dead.

No, I am not.

I am just sleeping and dreaming.

I can wake up at any time and

Burn them to ashes.

They can see that I’m still glowing.

But, wouldn’t care a bit for I’m only a spark.

But, that is all it needs.

I need only the spark, my soul

To make a flame

And  then a blaze.

                                   31, October 2010

Drops

Just like four bats

hanging on a strong and rough leafless branch

without moving a muscle,

 two pairs of socks

hung there on the clothesline;

water still dripping drop by drop,

making a soft plop sound.

It fell on the broad flat leaf below

It Slides again until it reaches

the short fresh green grass covering the whole lot area.

unknown city

Crush the voice into million pieces,

Swinging crows ,

Nerves of the trees ,

Non-stop running film,

Parted by the tracks,

Shimmering images of the buildings and stones,

Numbed muscles,

Sewage river  smells bad.

                         2^nd May 2011.

Blossom

One early morning,

I went for a walk

along the side of a lake.

My feet stopped moving near a tree.

There I glanced up

and saw the flower blossom

through the flattering leaves.

Its bright yellow colour

blinded me for

a moment.

What a charmed!

I could feel the freshness

when the wind spread its

sweet      smell     into

the air                   around

               me.

In the evening,

I went there again.

I glanced up as earlier but could see only

the flying, withered and dried

P     e    t    a   l     s

gliding softly along the wind.

I watched them as they flew beyond

my view and vanished

one

by

one

above the glassy lake

as the moon rises from the east,

bright and round.

                                                                                            Tthoibey

                                                              25^th October,2010.

white dwarf

Stars sink one by one

Pulled down by an invisible hand.

Again they emerge out of the blue out of the purple sky

as if snatching away the day

just like a laikhutsangbi.

She lays there without moving a muscle

Grabbing her oath with a tight grip and enough faith,

While those grotesque figures remain in oblivion.

The fluid gushes down the track,

Only the fluid and nothing else.

 And nothing else.

I just wish all these are just the flickering scenes of a movie

I’d watch during a cold winter night,

Snug under thick layers of blankets inside a nice cozy room,

Sipping a cup of coffee savouring the aroma of every sip every second

The musketeers

They look like cards
with feathers on their hat
and the not so long shinning swords.

I

I remember the day I died!

The sky was getting greyish blue,

Mother told me, ”Go dear, go”.

So, I went after taking a bath.

I could still feel the taste of the dishes I had on the day of cheiraoba,

I saw them near me,

The bright flashes blinded me temporarily,

The movements of the hands and fingers, I can never forget.

I could hear the sound amidst the wind blowing hard.

But, I couldn’t see them passing by my ears every seconds.

All I could see were my fellows and the pale yellow leaves.

Fluttering as fast as we moved.

I was mentally prepared,

I loved doing it,

In fact, more than they do.

I loved it truly.

I woke up early and went,

But I dint get to come back again and tell her

“We have won”.

Dry leaf

Studded with gems, it’s still hanging there
          like an arrogant super star.
It’s as green as ‘utti’ my mom made
          especially for a special day.
It looks as fresh as my neice
           when her mother left her in the baby walker.
           just after giving her a bath.
It looks so soft, but not as soft as
           that fluffy creature which fell on me yesterday
           and made me itch all day.

The blowing air tried hard
           but couldn’t succeed at all.
It only made it dance
          as if when someone tickles.

Had it turned into brown
        and free from the chain of life,
         It could have just fallen.
         On
        the ground.
and lay there as a faded dried leaf.

                                         November 04, 2010.

Palace

They were waiting for us
With its mouth wide open as it is,
What a beautiful beast.
They look gorgeous in white
With the spikes on their head.

One of us flung a coin and tossed a smile
And we were inside.
Deeper and deeper we moved in
Till we reached the deepest.
We saw the veins crept up the exhausted walls,
Which has been with all the kings and queens
Like a withered snake.

The pillars looked like the queen of chess
And stood still as they were destined to for eternity.

Then we found a place near the pillars,
Dark and spooky, where only two of us
Dare to pass through.
The others, they howled and screamed
And were imagining whatever
They could imagine.

Then we realised that we need to hurry
Home or else end up inside concentration
Camps invited by our dictators
For exceeding time limits.

Myself

Wearing orange phaneks and pink shirts, we all looked colourful and were feeling awfully hot that afternoon. We saw the girls of Ibotonsana school among the midst of the hazy smoked air while coming back  through the glasses of the van. They looked exactly like dried pink flowers with dull green stalks lying on the dirty ground in that heavy traffic. I looked inside and thought to myself how beautiful we looked, everyone looked quite colourful and clean. Then I felt suffocating cuz there seemed to be less air inside. I felt all tied up and I couldn’t move a muscle. Just in front of my eyes I could see the quick rapid movements when the van was moving pretty fast, twisting and turning through the narrow lanes and blocks for every few minutes. Inside her eyes, I could view a world full of contempt and hatred. Her eyebrows were crescent in shape but currently, it was so much out of the shape that she looked like a witch with one eyebrow going up higher than the other.
         I couldn’t help stop laughing myself. I laughed out so loud and heartily that everyone stopped talking, turned around and were staring at me. I felt too embarrassed that I stopped instantly. You can’t imagine what it felt like when 13 pairs of eyes were looking at you at the same time for the same purpose. Did I do something wrong? Can’t I even laugh when I want to and where I want to.  I found it rather funny to be always scornful and uptight for no plausible reason at all. She was actually looking outside without a thought of hating or loving someone. But, she was so used to it that she looked as if she just had a fight or something like that. So, I laughed. They stared at me as if they were about to gobble me up. Then they started laughing themselves showing their sharp teeth. Their long nails were about to pierce my skin and take them off leaving litres of blood pouring out of my body. I could see the bright shining brownish hair of mine reflected in the windowpane. The reflection was burning my skin. I felt like melting away and flying up amongst the vapour of the water of nambul river. Then suddenly I didn’t like that feeling. I felt too dirty and murky to think about melting away with the water of nambul. Everything was wrong.
   Every time he dropped a girl, a sense of relief and joy came to my mind. It got more and more spacious inside that I could inhale and exhale freely, deeply and properly. I felt like pushing them down one by one if I ever had a chance to do that as quickly as possible before they reach their home. They must have had the same feeling. They can’t even move an inch. But still they acted as if they were enjoying the whole drama just to make me feel left out and annoyed. But they don’t know that I like it that way. Why do I need them for?
    The driver asked where I was to drop. I saw them chatting and laughing. They didn’t even care to look at my side. I was talking to my friend. She was telling me why she hates that girl in science stream, the one we saw the day before yesterday and why I should hate her. I was just staring at the river which flows at the same pace as the van at the same direction through the rocks and creeks bending and turning. 

Black

‘Black’

Suddenly I spoke aloud.

‘What?’

He asked me in response.

‘The topic.’

Again I said still looking outside.

‘Are you sad?’

I really don’t know why I said that.

I was still looking at the dried hanging leaves

Ready to fall at any moment

Through the bars of the window

Sitting inside the class as quietly as

I can,

Wondering what have I said and why.

Chamamnaba

Esh! onthokna saakhredaa sidi
amuktabu thengnjaraktri
kari matwnege.....!!

Esh! kemta udre
loina mangkhre
mitmaangdgi....!!

Esh! tadre amafao
chek muk laoba makhol amafao...!!

Asengba, kemta udre,
leichin thaarira,
mit thakatlira saamanbgi...!!

khangdre, khangdre, khangdre...!!!